ATTUNEMENT HUNGER*

I give up everything, anything

to be with someone, anyone

in hope of connecting

Ears and eyes attuned to the OTHER,

I fear losing even one moment

of potential relatedness.

Captive of this inner demand for connection

I share something of myself,

hoping to hook the same need in the OTHER.

I provide an open space for the fearful, reaching, risking soul

in search of a safe place.

Feelings shared create the connection.

Emotions verbalized bridge the chasm between souls

Feelings identify the vague sense of panic stirring within;

words releasing energy contained out of fear

of a disconnect once the risk is taken.

What happen long ago? At birth

maybe, to generate such fear?

There must have been a momentary experience of attunement

for me to know what it is I search for in every encounter.

I lived with the overwhelming fear of losing the slim connection with Mother as if control of the relationship belonged to me.

As if I would be lost in some void of not-being, on the edge of extinction without the bond maintained by my ability

to please her.

How can it be that just now,

all these years later, I am asking:

"Why not connect with myself?"

*Gabor Mate: In the Rhealm of Hungry Ghosts

(Mate is convinced that all addictive behavior has its roots in attunement hunger.)

Janet Waage Lingren (1/24/14)